C-Virus as Teacher: Highlighting the Need to Belong

The Coronavirus compels us to think about our physical wellbeing and safety all day long. We are forming habits that show respect to the vulnerable in our midst, even if we feel healthy and frustrated at the experience of being sequestered. It is teaching us to clean up the environment and understand that our resources are limited. Whatever richness and status we claim, it cannot shield us from organizing our lives around the impact of this virus…we are all one in this.

As we move toward greater physical safety and begin to make peace with our new reality, other important human needs arise.

Abraham Maslow proposed a theory of human motivation that has been the standard in Psychology since it was published in 1954, called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. In it, Maslow says that we mature and grow only if and how a hierarchy of needs are met.

For human survival, he says, we must first meet basic needs, assuring that we are fed, clothed, and sheltered so that we are physically secure and safe. In the C-Virus environment, the way we meet these needs is redefined as quarantined, sequestered, or “sheltered-in-place,” and, for example, the big box stores assuring that each customer is allowed only a limited number of items if they are necessary for the wellbeing of the whole community.

As the C-Virus pushes workers out of the office, students out of school, and shuts down businesses whose mission is to gather people together, we reel at the change this creates at a core level of our lives and habits. The impact is not only felt at the level of our physical health, but it reveals the next layer of Maslow’s hierarchy: the need to belong.

In motivating us to perform, succeed and move toward what Maslow called “self-actualization,” humans first must fulfill their longing for relationship – for friendship, intimacy, and love. Communities and physical contact are deeply connected to our mental and emotional health and are as important to our wellbeing as our physical health. Unless this need is met, Maslow says we do not have the fuel to find our self-esteem, which then inspires performance.

Maslow’s theory is supported by neurological research that shows that when we feel scared and perceive a threat to our survival, our brains can only attend to “fight or flight” mode, cascading stress response messages throughout the nervous system. The brain, then, does not have the capacity to devote to healthy relationship building, nor can it support creativity. The higher functionality in the cerebral cortex is only available to us once we feel safe and secure, our basic needs met, just as Maslow suggests.

What was once within reach physically is now also sequestered: workers stopping at colleagues’ desks to ask how they are doing; recognizing friends at a café and chatting with them; students bumping into each other in the hallways, and through a series of small interactions, learning how to become adults together. It can often be the small gestures of nodding, smiling, laughing, and greeting that sustain us through our day. Now – it is magically gone.

Students, most of whom are now bored, disengaged, and/or depressed in their isolation, are in danger of missing the opportunity to develop further their self-esteem, which is necessary to do well in school and life. Workers who relied on social interaction to motivate their best work are moving farther away from higher performance. Many businesses that bet their success on providing great in-person customer experiences are in financial survival mode.

So, what are choices do we have now? How can we build this new world together in a way that honors not only the safety of our physical health but also our emotional and psychological needs to connect and belong?

Being conscious of these elements of wellbeing, we can transform ongoing stress and anxiety into creative service to become a source of inspiration and motivation for others.

While many apps can “get us through the crisis,” such as Netflix and Amazon Prime, there are other strategies that help us connect. In a recent New York Times article, writer Kevin Roose refers to “Whats App, Zoom Art classes, Skype book clubs, and Periscope jam sessions” as ways to connect and develop new skills.

Jack Kornfield recommends creating an in-home retreat for meditation to achieve the kind of “calm in the chaos” that Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh referred to in this story:

When the crowded Vietnamese refugee boats met with storms or pirates, if everyone panicked, all would be lost. But if even one person on the boat remained calm and centered, it was enough. It showed the way for everyone to survive. 

If you are committed to being a leader or “point of light” in the Corona darkness, you can find an emerging, like-minded tribe in the Conscious Community Network. In this Facebook community, those who are committed to conscious leadership in the C-Virus era can inspire each other, post resources, and join in an intention/prayer hour once/week to transform the vibration of fear into loving support.

Another opportunity for students is to engage is through Humanity Rising, a platform for: hearing inspiring speakers; allow students’ voices to be heard; and calling for student action to create service projects – and receive college tuition for the most impactful projects.

Moving from our fear of the C-virus to remembering that we create our realities and influence others by our decision to lead from grounded, calm, and confidence, we turn to a higher purpose. We have a need to connect, belong, and build new communities.

We have the power to serve others with every thought and gesture. Habits of gratitude, humility, and “hands-on-line” service define pathways that shape our future and bring blessings back to us and our loved ones.